People may have different patterns of responding due to earlier life experiences. For example some people with military training may believe there is one 'right way' to do things and at times react angrily towards semingly small events, due to being trained to be ready to 'fight'. Some may find they tend to focus on the practical part of the problem rather than the emotional or relationship elements.
When a person is experiencing depression, anxiety or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) they may have less energy towork on their relationships. Physical Illness can also impact on relationships in a similar manner to mental health problems.
Here are some techniques that we can choose to improve relationships with family members.
- Choose a time and place to talk when you won't be disturbed and both are willing to talk.
- Talk when you are not highly emotional
- If either person becomes emotional or if the argument gets too heated, have a break and resume when both parties have cooled down. Undertake some constructive and calming activity during the break which may need to be up to 24 hours.
- Be Respectful through listening, open body language and your tone of voice. Try not to criticise, be defensive, call names or use sarcasm.
- Attack the problem, not the person. Own your part of the problem and use "I" and "We" statements rather than "You", which sounds blaming and creates defensive responses. For example, 'when this happens ....I feel hurt" rather than "You're such an idiot, you always do that!"
- Stay on the Subject. Handle one problem at a time and do not bring up past mistakes.
Information taken from the Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service Newsletter 2010
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