Lillians story- a battle with depression and surviving!

My name is Lillian. I am a senior. Lyn asked me to write my story so here it is !


I have had depression and anxiety for years, and in hindsight had it as a young school girl but did not recognise it until much later in life. My depression has been caused by anxiety and low self esteem, and has been triggered usually by a worrying event, such as a loss, or a death or a situation that has weighed me down to the extent where I have dwelt on it so much that the chemicals in my brain have changed. Some say I may be pre-disposed to depression or it is genetic, and I have felt that I want to blame someone for it, but the bottom line is I have it and have to deal with it and I know that is it treatable and not just something you can just "snap out it".


There are professionals who can help. I required medication, but have also sought help from 'Focus' and learned techniques of breathing and meditation and letting go of worrying thoughts and to stay in the moment. I have had to work through panic attacks which at times I thought 'I can't breath - this is it, I'm going to die' and nocturnal panic attacks can be terrifying. Well - I'm still here!


I have learned slow breathing and to recognise the positives instead of the negatives and to focus on what I am doing in the moment. Writing down positives each day far outweighed the negatives. I listen to meditation CD's or sit quietly and visualise myself in another place and time that I'd really like to be in.


With behavioural therapy I can identify my anxieties and say to myself when it effects me physically 'Im ok, I'm just dizzy, nothing will happen to me, just focus on the breath. I won't let this get out of control'. A lot of self talk helps, so does a mental stop sign and a lot of exercise.. Nothing is just handed to us in life and I have had to work at getting well each day.



I can say after many months, even years, I'm actually enjoying life and from any depression I have been through, I have learned something positive and grown from it. I cannot waste my life worrying about things that haven't even happened, it is too draining and saps my energy, but I feel now I'm living each day as it comes. There maybe some lows along the way, but I feel I now have the tools to help me through those times, always focusing on the way I breath. I am now trying to build on all I have learned and believe in it. It is real.....Don't forget to breath!!!.....Lillian